Today's blog post is going to be a little be different and I hope you don't mind as it's a subject dear to my heart; food. For those of you who don't know me personally, and even most of you who do know me, probably don't know my story, let me explain to you how I became the strong, confident and happy woman I am today because I haven't always been this way, actually it's still pretty knew to me.
I was a pretty happy little kid and quite an active one too; I've loved swimming for as long as I can remember and would throw a fuss when it was time to leave the beach or pool. I also played soccer for a number of years, but as I got older I began to gain weight...
In second grade is when the other kids started to notice that I was a "fat kid" and the teasing started; no one wanted me on their soccer team at recess because I couldn't keep up with the ball. I was always the first kid out during tag and dodgeball because I was slower than every body else and I dreaded gym class and would often fake ill to be excused; this is when I discovered my love for food. Food made me feel better because it tasted good and made me feel good while I was eating it, so I kept eating it. I was seven, I didn't know what "comfort eating" was or that food addiction was even a thing.
By the time I was eleven I weighed 170lbs, extremely depressed and the teasing had turned into vicious bullying. I had no friends at school and would spend recesses hiding in the library so I didn't have to face the school yard. Do you remember the good ol' pre-Facebook days when everyone had a Nexopia account? I do, they were some of the worst days of my adolescence. I checked my page daily, not to talk to friends like most adolescents but to delete the cruel comments that were constantly being posted on my page; I was embarrassed that these horrible things were everyone to see and no matter how often I deleted them they just kept posting more until I finally deleted my account. I would cry as I read every word.
My weight fluctuated all throughout junior high and high school as I tried one fad diet after another, when I graduated high school I had got my weight down to 160lbs and then I moved to Europe...
I spent the next year eating and drinking my way from Ireland across Europe. Yes, that is a drink in each hand, yes they are both mine, yes I did that AT LEAST five nights a week for a year. Between partying all the time, not sleeping enough and eating garbage food due to a tight budget my weight ballooned to the highest it has ever been...
By the time I got home from Europe I weighed 180lbs. I was extremely unhappy, unhealthy and hated everything about my body. I would look in the mirror with disgust or just completely avoid looking at the mirror altogether some days. I was never comfortable around people and my food addiction got worse. I didn't realize at the time that it was in fact a food addiction, it wasn't until my health took a turn for the worse that I really started paying attention to what I was eating and why I was eating it. I was eating foods full of unhealthy fats, simple carbohydrates and lots of sugar and I was eating them because I was bored and unhappy.
Shortly after I returned home from Europe the headaches started. Pain so unbearable I would lay in the dark and cry myself to sleep, I saw my doctor every week and we tried every pain killer and anti-inflammatory and some times a cocktail of both -at one point I was taking 4 Oxycotin's a day and was still able to function the pain was that bad. This is when the headaches turned into migraines; I wound up in the ER more than once because the migraines were unrelenting and excruciating. I spent 6 months with a constant migraine where some days the pain was so bad I would vomit and black out. I was finally sent for an MRI and referred to a neurologist.
Three days before my 21st birthday I got some of the most terrifying news of my life; I had a brainstem glioma, or in non doctor jargon - I had a tumor located on my brainstem. My neurologist requested another MRI and referred me to a neurosurgeon, it took me four months to get another scan and an appointment. I spent the next four months sinking further into my food addiction taking all my fear and uncertainty out on food; I was terrified of what was inside my own head and what it might do to me. I became depressed and cried myself to sleep every night for the first while, all while smiling and trying to be brave for the ones around me who were also terrified of what my next appointment might bring.
The meeting with the neurosurgeon brought good news and bad news; the bad news was that due to the placement of my tumor it was completely inoperable because it was located in the midst of healthy tissue in a highly sensitive part of the brain, surgery would be highly risky as it may damage the surrounding tissue leaving me with no motor skills and radiation was too dangerous an option to explore as well. The good news was that in the four months since my last scan it hadn't seemed to change size or shape so it was in all hopes a non-malignant tumor. I was required to continue MRI's every six months with follow ups with my neurologist and neurosurgeon.
This is when the slew of medications increased, my energy levels decreased and I started to realize that maybe my relationship with food wasn't a healthy one. I had been seeing an acupuncturist for years for pain management and we discussed how ineffective all the pharmaceutical treatments had been and that maybe it was time I look for another solution. She lent me Hungry for Change, an amazing documentary on the worlds best medicine: food (It's now available on Netflix and I strongly recommend giving it a watch if you haven't seen it yet.) A future of prescription drugs and pain wasn't something I wanted so I asked my neurologist if I worked hard enough and changed my lifestyle he thought I might be able to come off my medications, he thought I might be able to lessen them but the prospect of being completely medication free was an unlikely one.
This is me in May of 2013; a couple days after my 22nd birthday, a year after being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, I was taking 16 pills a day and still in pain and I was fed up. I weighed 180lbs and had a body fat percentage of 36%, I was classified as overweight and on the verge of being obese. This is my "before" picture and the beginning of taking my life back.
I started a food journal, not just tracking what I was eating but when, what I was feeling while eating and why I was eating (was it because I was hungry, bored or upset?) I had tracked my food back in high school as well but in an extremely unhealthy manner; I would count calories (where did the magical number of 1,200 cal/day come from?!) and punish myself with endless cardio if I went over 1,200- I began to view food as the enemy and exercise as punishment. Believe it or not even while I viewed food as the enemy I was still addicted, I would deprive myself and then binge and cry. This time I was determined to change my life, my attitude, my energy levels and my happiness, not just my body. Instead of counting calories I count macronutrients (check out flex-i-ble dieting by Krissy Cagney here for more info on macronutrient counting and eating for life) to make sure that I was feeding my body what it needed to be strong and healthy instead of focusing on depriving it of calories to look a certain way.
This is when my relationship with food changed; I realized I had a food addiction and how I had abused food for so many years. I started looking at food as fuel for my body and not as a means of cheering myself or giving me something to do. I overhauled my diet (from here on out diet refers to "the foods eaten, as by a particular person or group") so that 80% of what I was eating was whole nutrient dense foods that my body required and only 20% was for "enjoyment" purposes. Note that I LIMITED these enjoyment foods NOT ELIMINATED. Part of leading a happy healthy life is leading a balanced life.
I introduced fresh vegetable juices and smoothies to my diet and began lifting weights and using High Intensity Interval Training instead of endless cardio. I've fallen in love with food again but we now have a healthy balanced diet, I don't restrict myself from eating what I enjoy but I also eat what my body needs.
This is me today. I weigh 148lbs, I have a Body Fat percentage of 23% which is classified as athletic, I lift heavy weights because I love to, have a healthy relationship with food, I'm happier than I've ever been before in my life and have a new found confidence. As of today I have been 100% medication and pain free for three months.
Aside from today being my three month anniversary of being off medication I am also starting my 5 day "reboot" that I like to do every couple of months and that's actually what sparked this epically long post. My reboot consists of: Days 1-3 fresh fruit and vegetable juices and smoothies. Day 4: Reintegrating plant based, nutrient dense foods. Day 5: Reintegrating dairy, grains and other foods. Now before anyone gets all huffy about "detoxes" and "cleanses" let me just state that this is something I personally thoroughly enjoy doing when I'm feeling sluggish and lackluster, I continue to count my macros during this reboot to make sure I'm not depriving my body of the fuel it needs, and after day 5 I feel amazing. Do what works for you and listen to your body! During days 1-3 I drink 5 juices a day, three of which are blended with protein and fiber powders, I'll list my juice recipes below and if anyone wants to see the types of foods I eat on Day 4 let me know and I'll post them on my Instagram account for you guys to see!
1. Mean Green: Cucumber, Pear, Celery, Lemon, Wheatgrass, Spinach -blended with avocado (for a dose of healthy fats), protein and fiber powders.
2. Zinger: Carrot, Apple, Ginger (great for a boost of energy mid-morning/afternoon)
3. Alkaline Green: Zucchini, Apple, Fennel, Lemon, Broccoli, Spinach - blended with protein powder.
4. Vital Greens: Cucumber, apple, lime, spinach, watercress and flat parsley.
5. Coconutty Milk: almond - coconut milk, organic maple syrup, himalayin pink salt, organic peanut butter - blended with protein powder.
And as a special treat since you hung around this long and read this whole post, I present to you: Beauty Super Foods, why the ingredients in these juices aren't just good for your insides but your outsides as well! I italicized the ingredients below that are in my juice recipes but feel free to mix up ingredients and experiment with your own recipes!
Beauty Detox Foods
according to Kimberly Snyder
(check out her book here)
for Beautiful Skin:
red bell peppers
coconut
avocados
spinach
watercress
figs
sweet potatoes
cucumbers
acai
pineapple
almonds
walnuts
flaxseed
pears
cabbage
turmeric
probiotic & enzyme salad (a recipe found in the book)
arugula
onions
raw apple cider vinegar
garlic
lemon
for Beautiful Hair:
pumpkin seeds
dulse
carrots
radishes
nutritional yeast
for Beautiful Eyes:
papaya
beets
blueberries
apples
celery
collard greens
asparagus
bananas
for Beautiful Body:
broccoli
brussels sprouts
sesame seeds
romaine lettuce
fresh cilantro and parsley
buckwheat and oat groats
kale
hemp seeds
quinoa
millet
chia seeds
for Inner Glow:
bee pollen
sunflower seeds
sprouts
spirulina and chlorella
Do you guys like fresh vegetable juices? What are some of your favourite combinations? Let me know in the comments!
